April 16, 2023
First day away from Hong Kong, missing it.
Missing the tacit atmosphere, missing the exciting randomness, missing the chance encounters, tireless conversations, instant connections, sparks flying, colorful moments.
The dazzling and extravagant shopping malls, the brilliant Avenue of Stars, the Victoria Harbour with the sea breeze coming and going, the bustling convention center, countless internet friends to meet, old friends to greet, panels that go on for 12 hours a day, endless afterparties to attend, the nostalgic dessert shop on the streets of Kowloon in the early morning, the gentle night breeze on the second floor of a double-decker tram. Remembering these fragments, lying on a humble bed at this moment, I feel that life is worth living.
Through deep conversations, I have come to know myself better, acknowledging what I truly desire, identifying the self-deception: valuing connections between people, caring about the harmony between the people around me and my inner self; having a general interest in the growth path and behavioral motivations of humanity; cherishing various experiences, my favorite thing to do is observe and reflect on the delicate emotions flowing in the world.
Previously lost and lacking direction, I was shrouded in a blank canvas. In order to find a lifeline, to find possible answers, these past few days I have been relentlessly asking everyone about their motivations, recording and organizing them into a document. Everyone's motivations can roughly be categorized into defensive, aggressive, supportive, and exploratory, and there are also some that cannot be classified, such as "reduce the cost of trial and error to infinity until free to pivot." Originally, I was looking for answers, but the process of questioning itself has made me incredibly excited.
I have finally surrendered to my true nature, starting to appreciate the delicate and rich emotions, protecting my empathy, and enjoying the randomness softly.
Don't overlook those touching moments, don't let yourself drift away from yourself, don't let yourself become numb.
This person who used to call themselves a "headphone addict" and a "heavy podcast user" was surprised to find that they haven't used headphones at all in the past week. It turns out it's not because I love consuming content so much (except for "得意忘形"! It's my favorite podcast), but because I'm so lonely. It turns out I can't live without friends, and it turns out that being with like-minded humans is so wonderful.